Dirty Stacey Needs Registry Cleaner 5.4

I write this blog to keep track of things that interest me. I don't expect anybody to ever read it and, based on the volume of comments left here, nobody does. That, or I've nailed the subject so well that there is just nothing left to say about it.

Well, imagine my surprise when I got an email message from the lovely Stacy Jeanne, a Tech Writer (it's in caps, so it must be a real job Mom!) with Digeus, Inc [sic] (that notation is there because the Editor for Digeus, Inc. was out at the moment and did not have the opportunity to correct Ms. Jeanne's egregious punctuation error).

Here's what our paragon of tech writing had to say:

Could you please write a short review or place a link bellow (sic) to Digeus Registry Cleaner 5.4.49596 on your blog? I will give you a full-time license in exchange.
(emphasis added)
Registry Cleaner
You may place this link alone without description or on existing post or create new post with a short description (language and text is up to you)
Here is a brief information about the tool:
Digeus Registry Cleaner 5.4
Award winning software starts by conducting a deep scan of your registry,
checking for file extension errors and other registry conflicts.
With Digeus Registry Cleaner you’ll see immediate increases in performance and decreases in system conflicts.
Here is the list of the most commonly reported computer problems which will be solved:
- Slow Boot up
- Longer Machine Response Time
- Unexpected System Crashes
- BSOD (Blue Screen of Death)
- Unresponsive System
- Slower Internet Browser Response
- Slow Start Up of Your Favorite Software
For more information please visit [Digeus]

Stacey, babe, get a clue. I write about Linux which does not suffer from "registry" dirtyness that needs cleaning by your shamelessly and shoddily shilled sh^H^Hproduct. More than a review in my blog, you need a competent editor, some remedial writing re-education and some legal advice: doesn't the FTC have something to say about what you're asking me to do?

You naughty girl, the "registry" is not the only dirty thing in need of a good cleaning.

You can write to Stacey at stacy.jeanne@digeus.com

UPDATE
Stacey responded to my blog post:

Dear Hoyt,
Fuck you very much.

Just full of professional journalistic integrity, that one!

More UPDATE
I asked Stacey for a license anyway and then I felt bad about what I'd done, so I told her that and offered her some advice on how she could make a more professional presentation.

Stacey responded:

Dear Hoyt,
Ok, I will give you a license if you you place a link to the product not just a fucking post with bullshit

I was surprised to see that kind of response, so I wrote again.
Stacey responded:

Dear Hoyt,
Yeah... And stupid comments also. It seems you are a stupid fuck. Yes, you created a post with bullshit, yes you wasted your time with bla-bla-bla, and yes it is a half of deal. I will give you a license if only you add a link to your crap. Now read it again from the beginning.

I'm surprised that somebody like John Fister, founder of Digeus, Inc. in Albany, NY would employ somebody like Stacey. Certainly she can't be presenting the company in the best light.

And yes, Stacey. I did read it from the beginning, so here's the review.

REVIEW

Digeus Registry Cleaner is a PC maintenance and recovery tool that eliminates system error messages, slow startup and shutdown speed, programs instability and computer crashes according to their press release. You can download a shareware version it from here.

Sounds like it would be wonderful. How well does it work? Don't know; it doesn't run on Linux so I can't tell for sure. I can tell you that when installing, it claims that it optionally uses .Net 2.0 and offers to install it. Why would a "registry cleaner" need the .Net framework when a perfectly acceptable application can be written without it. Anyway, if you don't install this "optional" component, it won't run, which seems to be just as well.

Are registry cleaners even useful for Windows users? If you're using a version of Windows more current than Windows 98, for the most part the answer is NO. Microsoft has actually made a number of improvements to Registry handling since the 1990's. While the usefulness of any registry cleaner is a bone of contention among technical experts, it is unlikely that any registry cleaner will deliver the gains promised by Digeus Registry Cleaner. Digeus does not provide any proof to support their claims for their own product on their website. Why not? Why, indeed.

You might get some of the benefits promised by Digeus Registry Cleaner by using the free Microsoft utility Page Defrag. That utility will defragment Paging and Registry files that are not normally able to be defragged at all. Digeus Registry Cleaner does not state that it will do this.

But you might want to checkout the other useful products that Digeus offers such as one to harvest email addresses from news posts, Jet Email Extractor, a program to gather email address so you can send messages to all your new-found email friends.

These facts, coupled with Stacey's vulgar comments appear to me to reveal much about whether or not I would ever recommend using Digeus Registry Cleaner to members of my family. In two words: NO, NEVER.

Follow-up
Stacey never sent me my full license key like she promised. Dirty Stacey!

I also got an almost identically-worded request from jessica.stephens@windsty.com asking for a mention of Windows 7 TuneUp Suite. I asked if she knew Stacey and got a canned reply.

This got me thinking that perhaps these were the same businesses or maybe even the same "person". The replies from Dirty Stacey actually sound more masculine and also sound like a non-native English speaker. Maybe a bunch of Eastern European "business" people? Who really cares? Windows 7 TuneUp Suite certainly seems like another app you can avoid.

Here's a link to someone who fell for their BS. And a more recent one. This one of pure evil since it plays music in the background without your consent.

UPDATE, 2015

My review of  Digeus Registry Cleaner, the only honest one you will find on the Internet, now only turns up 95th in a Google search. It just goes to show you how many people are will to whore themselves out for a free license.

UPDATE, 2018

They are still selling this crap. While it was version 5.4 that was the subject of my review in April 2010, the current version now appears to be 4.7!